Kill whitey, or at least make her feel vaguely uncomfortable at all times

So, this blog is not meant to be a blog for kvetching, but sometimes, that's what it's gotta be. Mood - sad. Music - Bright Eyes. Well, just kidding on the Bright Eyes part, I have more self-respect than that. The scoop is, work's gotten pretty unpleasant. I work with a bunch of passive-aggressive Korean ladies who apparently aren't very fond of the foreigners, but instead of actually addressing the issue like sane people, they'd rather slink around, avoid eye contact, and talk quite blatantly about us in Korean.

Did you know that foreigners, pretty universally, are intimidating and hard to work with? That we get angry at inappropriate times? That we're on a path toward becoming Satan incarnate?

This is the impression that they have of me. Now, dear readers, imagine me getting really, really angry to the point that you're scared. And then laugh, because it is a ridiculous image that has no place in the real world.

That's been the theme of the past few weeks, so I decided to treat myself to a Friday screening of 'Terminator: Salvation' (yes, I know it's a bad film, but I've already seen 'Star Trek' twice, so gimme a break). Some stuff blowing up sounds okay. A little Skynet, a little that chick from 'Firefly'. However, upon arriving to my assigned seat, I was treated to the other reaction to foreigners here: utter amusement and staring. I sat next to three boys, no older than 13, not a parent in sight. The second I walked past these kids, they started saying in no quiet tone, "Ah! Waegukin itda! Waegukin itda!" (It's a foreigner! It's a foreigner!!), laughing like I'd just farted really loud, staring like I had giant wings on my back. And there were fifteen minutes until the show. Sweet. So I looked at my cell phone (cue 13-year-old necks craning to see how a foreigner could even operate a Korean phone!), read a book (HOLY CRAP ENGLISH!!), listened to my iPod (why is it not an iRiver or Cowon!!), until finally the lights dimmed and the film started.

What is confusing to me is why these kids were so enamored with a foreign person sitting next to them, when they're watching a film in English, starring largely white people. Seriously, what in the blazes.

Anyway, this too shall pass, right?

Choley moley

We got a new Korean English teacher this week, who is, for lack of a better descriptor, acceptable. Kind of obnoxious. Questionable voice. Decent at English, I guess.

There is one major problem with her, and that is her name: Chole.

No, that is not a typo of 'Chloe', as I assumed it was when my boss tried to ask me how to pronounce the English name 'C-H-O-L-E'. I told her that she probably ought to e-mail this chick, get her to clarify if she meant Chloe, or if she was totally off-base and drunk and e-mailed her name completely wrong.

But in walks this girl on Thursday, cheerful, all, "Hello, my name is Chole." In my mind, very mature, I instantly think of 'troll' or 'chode', or most expediently 'troll chode'. I can't say her name to her face, or really to anybody in any context, for that matter.

And I'm not just being a total douche here, making fun of someone for an obscure name. The Internet, Pinnacle of Truth, tells me that 'Chole' is not a name. One site says it is sometimes a nickname of 'Nichole', which could make it's pronunciation 'cole', even if it were a name, which six other databases feel it is not.

I have taken to calling her Voldemort, as in, there is no fucking way I am saying her name in everyday discourse, because something bad will happen. Choledemort. Oy vey, these teachers.

Subtle Korean comedy

Made even more frightening by the many references to this whimsical, witty, and tasteful sketch that my students throw at me each day. Homophobic? Dumb? You decide!

The budding synesthete

"My name smells very good."

-Lucy H.

Sometimes life is pretty okay

I BEAT THE COMPUTER AT STARCRAFT TODAY! YES! PROGRESS IS BEING MADE!

Now admittedly, it was two people and a computer player vs. two computer players, BUT STILL. I didn't get my ass handed to me in the first five minutes. It felt worth mentioning as a point of personal growth, right up there with learning to walk and realizing that feta cheese is really good stuff.

Just, seriously, so sparkling. Really.

So, today during one of my afterschool classes, I was handed back a signed report card. We had to do report cards for all of our elementary students, which I actually spent time and thought on. The kids who did well did well, and the kids who did poorly might've received less-than-the-best grades, but with thoughtful explanations.

The report card I was handed back today was in the grumpy, non-cooperative little hands of one of my worst students, who responds to questions with a "hmph" and crossed arms. I've taught her since day once. She still asks "Teacher, what?" to any collection of syllables that might spill out of my mouth. Zero progess for sure.

Imagine my surprise when I opened up her report card to find a string of 4's out of 5's. I sure as hell didn't give her those.

In short: Grades that I put on a report card were changed and bumped way up because they were scared of a parent withdrawing their student from the school. The owner of the school and the head Korean teacher just did this without asking me, or even letting me know it was going to happen. It was assumed I wouldn't find out.

Now, thankfully, I bought a very cute Little Big Planet T-shirt for myself at Uniqlo last weekend. I taught the kids the word "sackboy" while wearing it today, and enjoyed them parroting the word back to me ("I love your sackboy!" "He is a happy sackboy on a little planet!" "What is a sack?"), and that prevented me from completely losing my collectedness.

Most business owners, when confronted with what boils down to falsifying paperwork, do a few things. If they're American business owners, they deny it until the economy blows up. If they're Japanese, they kill themselves. If they're Korean, they call me into a conference with the other teacher who decided this'd be a good idea, throw about the word "cultural difference" like that excuses their behavior, and then cry about it in the kitchen after hugging me for five minutes and apologizing.

This marks a sea change for me, which blows a bit, considering I've been here for only five months. They don't respect me? Then hoo boy, I'm not gonna respect them right back. Time to get my lazy on just a bit.

Cinema, cinema

If all were well and good with the universe, this would be a review of the new Chanwook Park movie, "Bakjui", or "Thirst". It's about sexy vampires and Africa and infidelity, I think.

See, the Seoul Metropolitan Government announced last month plans to release some Korean films with English subtitles the same week that they are released to the public in general here. This was meant to give Korean films a little time in the limelight, to show how great Korean cultural things can be, etc. etc.

Of course, less than a month after this wonderful new program was announced (with 'Bakjui' in its lineup), they've already pooched it, and in regards to the one film I'd like to see, no less. 'Bakjui' made it to Cannes, I think, and instead of showing it with subs, they have "My Girlfriend is an Agent"? Which they've had for the past 3 weeks? Also, it looks kinda dumb?

I'd really like to give this nice bit of Korea a chance, considering I'm rapidly becoming one of those passively grumbly foreigners, but my money will go to 'Star Trek' this weekend instead.

Sucks! (your blood, that is. olollolololol)